Contacts

When giving blowjobs,
before he cums on your face,
remove your contacts.

Trash

I really despise
trashy homosexuals.
Fucking trash bag fags!

Expressionism

Expressionism?
Here's an expression for you:
blow me, you douchebag.

Acne Bitch

The acne-faced bitch
who threatens me on facebook
should purchase facewash.

Ocean

Me and an ocean.
Both seemingly different,
but we both are wet.

Starfish

Starfish, a creature
that regenerates when cut.
Starfish castration?

Us

Masters of haiku,
we fill everyone with prose.
And also our cocks.

Nipples

Nipples and haikus.
They are two of life's great joys.
Both involve my mouth.

Mini-Douche

When you're fat and short,
you've no basic human rights.
Mini-douchebags suck.

Art History

Art History sucks.
The book weighs more than my head.
Blow me, Da Vinci.

Ninja

I am a ninja.
I have a hairy anus.
It thwarts enemies.

Rainbow

Queer as a rainbow,
he stands alone, blossoming.
Bring on the semen!

Auschwitz

This is like Auschwitz.
Although they're killing less Jews,
so that's a step up.

Indian Women

Indian women:
don't walk in front of my car.
I'll hit you. For real.

Hairy Back, by Steph Congiusta

Shave your hairy back!
Bushes are meant for jungles,
not ever for girls.

Emo Kids, by Steph Congiusta

Stupid emo kids.
Stop singing about dying.
Do it already.

Shady, by Steph Congiusta

Why don't you answer?
Call and text you all the time.
Shady palm tree, much.

Fierce, by Steph Congiusta

I am very fierce.
My hair always looks awesome.
You wish you were fierce.

Jesus

Christians like Jesus.
I have a different view:
Jesus was a fag.

Ugly

That bitch is ugly.
Bitch! Why do you look like that?
Please get surgery.

Facebook: A Collection

Upon checking my facebook:

I'm checking facebook.
No new notifications?
I hate all my friends.

Fifteen minutes later:

I still hate my friends.
Still no notifications.
Die. All of you die.

Thirty minutes later:

I'm getting fed up.
Please! Just one wall post, you guys!
I'm getting new friends.

Gingers

Gingers have red hair.
Their pubic hair is also
the shade of fruit punch.

Ghost

Shit! My vibrator!
It has turned on by itself!
Masturbation ghost?

Brahms

Brahms gives me boners.
Sehnsucht! Wiegenlied! Hell yes!
I would so fuck Brahms.

Karma

Karma is awesome.
You get back what you send out.
I send out blowjobs.

Purple Dildo

My purple dildo
brings joy to all of my holes,
but mostly my twat.

Hair

She has ratty hair,
that dumb bitch who berates me.
Buy conditioner.

Mexicans

Mexicans are great.
They come to this country to
work at McDonald's.

Hiccups

Hiccups are funny,
but can be inconvient
during a blowjob.

Two Girls

Two girls and one cup.
They fill each other with joy,
but also with poop.

Math Class Erection

Math class erection.
Integrals are not sexy.
My cock disagrees.

Chorus Girls

Chorus girls like me.
I was shown a pierced nipple
and got my junk rubbed.

Thong

My thong's riding up.
It's like floss in my anus.
At least I'll be clean.